Monday, September 16, 2013

Party Etiquette and Protocol

After witnessing some horrid things at a few parties in the last few months I thought I may give a list of "DON'T"s to save people the agony of "Party Wrecking". This also goes for years of attending industry, private, and house parties so I have a little background in it.
DON'T:
~Touch things that are not "common exchange". Just because something is on display does not mean "GRAB AND MANHANDLE".
~Wear something intended to "shock" people. We will all know it's a "look at me" cry.
~Grab handfulls/armfulls of the supplied food/beverages. Just because you say "Man, I need like 7 monsters JUST to make it through the night." does not justify taking half the box that a promoter brought. Check yourself before you wreck yourself.
~Come to the party tired/angry/wasted/stoned/drunk. If you are tired rather than get snarky TELL people because then they will understand.
~Get drunk/stoned/high at the party (Unless it is "That kind of party").
~Seek a "Hookup" while omitting social interaction in an effort to "Find some". Such should come naturally with attraction and intercourse of conversation.
~Wear silly hats. Only true bosses can wear silly hats.
~Quote Firefly. No one cares.
~Put your finger in the dip.
~Eat the pie with your bare hands.
~Eat the word "Happy" on the birthday cake. That is reserved for the person the birthday is for.
~Dance with the devil in the pale moonlight.
~Do a jig with a fiddle on the dancefloor. What do you think you are?
~Eat that mushroom. You are NOT Mario.
~Activate your lightsaber. You want to start Sith?
~Tell everyone about what your "Imaginary Friend" told you. You can just say "Sorry, I'm crazy." to inform us to your handicap.
~Eat the yellow snow. That's where the huskies go.
~Trust the Golden Monkey. Always a bad idea.
~Wear shoes you can't stand in for more than a few hours.
~Wear a corset or attire that hinders your overall ability to breath. This applies to all genders.
~Stop the time warp again.
~Pull a "Hanna Montana".
~Jump the shark in an effort to impress everyone. A 911/Emergency Services Phone Call ends parties pretty quick, idiot.
~Eat the raw pumpkin.
~Woo the host's dog/cat/fish/ferret with promises of pleasure. People can get jealous too.
~Stare uncomfortably at anything.
~Have entire conversations of movie quotes only to get angry when someone decides "To talk normal", you nerd.
~Try and show people your private parts. What did I tell you about getting drunk? What do you mean you haven't had a drink... oh god. Put it away!
~Ask the host or hostess if you can "Bang them" (again unless it's that kind of party).
~Scream quotes from horror films as an attempt to impress people. That puzzlebox will only get you so far.
~Babble incoherently about things no one can identify with in an attempt to seem like you "Know something". No one cares about the obscure facts about how Indi games give homages to other indi games that pay further homage to classic retro games that are playing a trope to action films of the 70s and 80s...unless it's that kind of party.

This list goes on and on. I hope to update it with video clips or something. Enjoy!

No comments:

Post a Comment